Northbound.

So many landscapes. So many people. So many parking lots. So many folks saying I should start a Youtube channel . So many AA meetings. So much gratitude. I still have my family . I came so close to losing them. Its been over 2 years of living sober and when I look back I feel amazed at how life is unfolding for me since I choose to go a different way. I drank to fill a void . Now the void is being filled with connection to my higher Self, Spirit and a fellowship with other alcoholics. Trust takes time to rebuild. And when I hurt those I love the most , that broken connection might not heal quickly and it might not heal and function the same way it used to. The hardest part for me on this journey and the hardest lesson is letting go of the way things were. I ‘m being asked to rebuild my primary relationship with my life partner with no promise that its gonna work. I want a “sure thing”. I want to know that our connection will resume the old way it was, to be close, to play, to cuddle to hold and caresse. And when I get lost in those moments of remembering how it was I also get lost to my primary purpose, and that is that I need to stay sober for me. Not for someone else and not to get back something I think i’ve lost. So my journey continues down this long and winding road. My sister once told me, “the heart never truly breaks, it only acquires scars.” I find glimpses of a new aspects of love, a deeper love that transcends my 20 year old ideas of romantic love. Glimpses that promise a bond and a higher frequency of than physical love. Not only with another , but with myself.

This is the season of growth, with the rising sun and the morning bird song, I open and I let go.